If I was Overlord of the Universe

Look, this isn't exactly an original way to birth the opening post on this blog, but I'm a traditionalist and the most English of complaints is to bitch about the London Underground. Not the trains and the unacceptable daily routine of delays and signal failures. I'm referring to the idiots I share my journey to and from work with. That includes tourists who seem to think they are still on the continent, walking around at 5 mph when everyone else is fizzing at 1000 mph.

I fucking hate oblivious people. Yes 'fucking' hate them. You can tell already this blog is cutting edge stuff because I used the f word. Allow me to define 'oblivious'.

Oblivious is when people have utterly no concept of their surroundings and think they have all the time in the word to stand in the way of others while they struggle to make their minds up.

"Do I go left or do I go right?"

You'll fucking go six-feet under if you don't move out the sodding way you absolute melter. Why is it such an eternal struggle of confusion when people walk down the stairs in a tube station, and before turning right or left, stop dead still as they walk through the archway and onto the platform? Is there an invisible wall rendering people immobile? Make the decision ffs, either go to the right or go to the left. How hard can it be? If you honestly don't know where you're going you'll have better luck finding out if you move - that's move as in one foot after the other in a forward motion. You'll see dainty little maps on the wall and even one of those high-tech electronic boards that tell you when the next train is.

Standing still as a crowd forms behind you will not help you in your quest for enlightenment.

If I was overlord of the universe, I would make it legally acceptable to punch people in the back in this type of scenario. It's quite simply the only way for them to learn.

I'd apply the same rule for people who slow-walk on Oxford Street, although I would vigorously campaign to have them pushed in front of a bus as punishment.

~ Spooky